Little Red Riding Hood Meets The Big Bad Wolf On A Dating Site
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by: Dr.ArleneKrieger,PHD
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Word Count: 871
Margaret was astounded and angry at her own foolishness for falling for her latest boyfriends smooth lines. She was a sophisticated, well educated and quite beautiful woman in her late 40's.
She had come into therapy distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her local area. This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of 'internet dating'.
Perhaps more than many therapists, I address women's perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not convinced that the problem is specific to any specific locale (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for a soul-mate, lust, and the perfect partner run rampant and can happen from Peoria to Paris.
First and foremost, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, dating, sex and intimacy.
A few of the major dating no-no's include:
1. "they all seem to have ADHD...and can't date you without being right back online while dating you"
2. Women are not the only ones who lie about their ages. That is a big mistake. A fifty year old man, can put a younger picture up, but in real life, he is still fifty, while the picture he put up may be when he was 30.
3. By the time we reach 40 (and often younger), we have baggage. Some of that baggage may include ex's. Though it is fine to discuss ex's, when it becomes a major source of conversation, and he is constantly complaining, he may be sending you a controlling message. "She did this to me, so don't you think about it." Might be time to move on.
4. "A lot of allegedly mature males can't even follow through. They take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don't call back for a week, while doing Starbuck's other women.... all the while having made a date with you for the upcoming weekend, and expecting you to be very excited and feel special about it.
I get it. I'm a single mature woman with dating experience. I have kissed my share of frogs. The key question here is.....WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people......thats right....we are humans with human frailties. All of us make mistakes, and not only fail others but ourselves sometimes. Sometimes our expectations are not the same as the other. Sometimes it is vice versa. There can be a thousand issues and elements involved.
We are busy women, and with Internet dating seeming the most convenient way, we as women have to be, ...and by the way.........this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we "MUST BE" vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words....you must be discerning in your choices or it can cost you big time.
Think of it this way...would you scatter your finances away haphazardly, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way. Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women...so often giving away our most precious belonging....our essence and soul energy. Thats right.....your essence.....that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your sense of self, self-esteem, loving heart, physical life force, etc.
If the local men are acting like "he who dies with the most toys wins"...living their second childhoods all over again, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and acting out teenage acting-out?
The question that is posed to me daily regarding how to find the "perfect partner" is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. If you don't have love for yourself, there is no real love to emit.
Attaining this type of self-awareness means that, 'you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails'. You're give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the road ahead???
In the final analysis, you are responsible for taking responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf.....slips you that slippery and rancid cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say...."IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING....YOU'LL FALL FOR ANYTHING....little Red Riding Hood
About the Author
America's 2nd Favorite Sexologist, Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD practices In Boca Raton, Fl. She works with individuals and couples, on Relationship, Intimacy and Sexual issues. She is a licensed mental health counselor, marriage & family counselor, and clinical sexologist offering phone & office appts
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